Increasing confidence – how do you do that?
We are interesting beings aren’t we? It is often said that we can become what we do. Or that how we think and behave will have an affect on what we believe about ourselves. Visa versa. What we believe about ourselves and others will affect how we interact with others and how we treat ourselves.
A good example is, and try this one out yourselves, assuming a belief that you can make a positive difference to someones day. Look for ways to give positive comments to others through the day. Commenting on someones quick service, pleasent smile, nice hairstyle, thoughtfulness or saying what you appreciate in others. Doing something like this can brighten the day for others and yourself. If you keep doing this it will start to affect your beliefs about your day, week, … life! Likewise negative actions can also effect your beliefs and attitudes for the worse. Which do you choose?
Lots of people have heard of the ‘behaviour iceberg’, a way of showing how our actions are linked to self esteme, values and beliefs. The model comes from behavioural psychology and is a useful way of seeing how we can change how we feel if we change our actions or visa versa.
What you see – the actions or behaviours of yourself or others (the top visable bit of the iceberg) are just the surface. Underneath them, and driving actions, are thoughts and feelings, attitudes, values and beliefs. The principle is, if you change your beliefs, that will change your outward behaviours and actions. It works the other way too!
Change your regular actions and behaviours and over time that will change your attitudes and beliefs. For example a friend of mine decided to start the day with a five minute reflection on what he was grateful for. After a period of a couple of weeks he noticed how much more contented and peaceful he felt. A client made a committment to do one thing a day that was slightly out of her comfort zone – first speaking up first at a meeting, next taking on an additional responsibility at work, next challenging a friend about letting her down a few times, next signing up for an evening class and so on. Her feedback was that as she did these things her confidence and belief in herself started to increase and change becoming much more positive. Making the committtment to her and to her coach to start with helped to keep the focus and recording the results reinforced the positive effect making sure she took the time to stop and notice the positive results.
Using our philosophy of ‘small steps for big effects’ what small step will change your confidence? Is it a regular thought or a regular action. Walking taller? Saying positive things to others? Noticing the nice things in a day? Smiling at yourself in the mirror in the morning? Writing a daily page in your journal? A regular lunchtime walk?
What will it be? I’m just signing off to think about what mine will be! We would love to hear from you about your results so please write with your experiences.
